Dropping Out

Slowly, or not so slowly, all my potential doctors are dropping out of the race. I don’t know which gorilla’s hands I’m going to be in the care of now, and it’s such an icky feeling. And when it will be? And where? I also don’t know how I’ll pay for it. Mana from the sky? Truthfully, I feel like I’m standing naked in the cold rain, and people are throwing rotten fruit at me.

Meanwhile, am I living in the transworld all by myself? Nothing is making sense to me. I thought I was dealing with trans doctors. Not so I guess. Dr. Alter–this is the guy in Beverly Hills who did Cate Jenner’s surgery wrote me back last night and said that me not having nipples was strange.  Strange, he called it. I mean, has this “trans specialist” been living under a rock? 

Either that or I guess I’m a fucking weirdo. 

But seriously, I’m so done feeling uncomfortable.

Aside from that, I found out Dr. Alter’s fees exceed Dr. Mosser/Facque’s in SF, including the price of the trip! So he’s out. That left me with the other two doctors, neither of them looking very bright…

Tomorrow I will check on the letter I sent to Sinclair. I have a feeling he’ll just think it’s cute, won’t change his mind, and I’ll have to cancel that surgery once and for all. 

But I also found out some bad news from Dr. Champaneria’s nurse today once I sent them my pictures. She said he can’t always make the incisions that people want because of their body type. That’s code for–you’re most likely not getting what you want. I’m sure glad I am not driving down there. It’s a virtual consultation. Same price, though. Same disappointment–most likely. 

So, since my options have dwindled, I’ve been re-researching again. I found a couple more doctors in my 300-mile radius. Another one (a woman) in San Diego. Her name is Dr. Gosh. Gosh, if only she would work out. Then there’s some guy named Dr. Rau in Redlands (who would be closest of all). He was supposed to take my insurance but now says he doesn’t. Still checking him out.

I also rejiggered my appeal into an EXPEDITED one. I don’t know if it worked. I based it on how waiting out the full 30 days was hazardous to my mental health. It truly has exacerbated my gender dysphoria. That much is true. If they accept this, I can get a final answer about all this by Friday. But I’m going to guess, either way, it’s still going to be a big fat, NO!” 

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