I recently launched my new online art exhibition and sale entitled PANDEMIC 35 – Celebrating 35 Years of Painting. It runs until August 25 and everything is on super deep sale.
Since I’m celebrating a total of 1,001 paintings, I picked these particular pieces out by counting up from the bottom of my database, one every 20 works. If I landed on a piece that was already gone, I’d find the closest one available. That’s how these 35 were randomly chosen.
There are, of course, other paintings on my site for sale. They’re just not nearly as discounted. Some are almost half price. Some more. We’re all going through some hard times right now. Everything is upside down it seems. I keep wondering what’s going to happen next, like how will we all survive?
It makes me think about a lot of shit, like my core values. What are they really? Not what people think they should be, and not even what I think they should be. I may be relying on old ghosts. Old tapes. Family. Society. What do I want? It’s not easy to genuinely answer myself sometimes. And why does fear keep me from living more authentically? If my core value is to live a genuine life, why must I have to question who I am after every conversation I have? I often walk away feeling less integrity for my self than before I started.
That makes no sense. Because fear makes no sense. I imagine it running toward me with sharp horns. I avoid it at all costs, taking other routes home–home to what comforts me where I can just do nothing or anything about it. I fear fear. I fear it will take away my voice. Fear it will stop me. Fear it will keep me frozen in time. Fear is such a son of a bitch.
Well, all I can do is keep trying to better myself. I can’t ask myself to go above and beyond what I’m capable of. Sure, there’s always a little wiggle room, but there will only be so much I can do. A leopard can only change so many spots, if any. It seems almost magical if they could.
In the meantime, I keep passing the open windows–one of my favorite lines from a movie I often say. It’s from the Hotel New Hampshire.