Still working on The Spark book. Probably the most boring subject matter you’ve been reading about on here lately, but it’s been quite the task. So I’m writing about it. I was up at 5:30 a.m. again – chopping paper in the garage (studio) so I wouldn’t get stuck doing it after the blazing sun popped up and lit my dreadlocks on fire. Have I mentioned how hot it’s been? And humid too – yuck! So I finally got all the pages measured and cut, including the fly pages!

Right now the fly papers are rolled backward inside a couple of coffee mugs. I’ve had the full sheets rolled up for so long, they were almost impossible to uncurl. I turned them around and weighed them down for a couple days, but that didn’t do much, so mjp suggested curling them into mugs. He’s a lot smarter than he looks. Ha, just kidding. He looks smart too.

 

I’m splitting up the papers in the edition – 10 get the gold dandelions and 10 get the letterpressed lavender flowers. I couldn’t make up my mind which paper I loved more. That’s what happens when you are messed up like me; sometimes you can’t make decisions. Or more than sometimes. Maybe I’ll talk about that later (reasons why it’s so hard to make decisions).

In addition to mixing things up with the fly papers, I am also splitting up the little antique labels that I’m throwing inside the whole package too. Both were so damn cool, I couldn’t decide which was better, and in all honesty, I didn’t have enough of one of them to put into all 20 clam shell boxes, so I’m dispersing them 10 and 10.

These are pretty small – not even really big enough to write notes on the back of, so I think I’ll use rubber stamps to make a word. Just one word. What word? I don’t know yet, but I have both English letter stamps and Hebrew ones. I’ll think of something. If I use a Hebrew word, I’ll translate in pencil in teeny tiny writing. Or, I’ll write the phone number of an ultra-orthodox rabbi who just sits by the phones, waiting for calls (Saturdays from 6pm – Fridays at 4:30pm) just to answer questions such as these. He is one of my many assistants. He may sound grumpy, but trust me, he loves his job.

I’m probably going (re)build a page for The Spark book, especially because the description on the Up to Now page is inaccurate. I’ll probably up the price too. Not by a lot, but this has been more work than I anticipated. Pre-orders will still be lower-ish though. It’s going to present pretty swell, I think, I do:

What do you think?

And speaking of the whole decision making thing, I am still on the fence about that binding. I may not like that bow on the outside, or the purple thread. I either want to put the bow on the inside, or make a very simple long stitch, or make up something else. I’m not sure, but this is not cutting for me.

These are a couple strange bindings I was playing with and I kind of like the left side one. But we’ll see. It’s a lot of work and it’s definitely odd.

I’m just now starting to feel good about clearing the way. I think about the Turtle House, but I have to get this book finished by tackling one thing at a time. I used to be able to do several works at once and I don’t know how I was doing that now. I’m just happy I was able to get all my pages printed and cut, and I’m trying to be mindful of the present and not so worried about the future.

That moves me right onto what’s going on at the moment, which is the whole trick: the trick of what I need to do. It’s not easy though. The simplest things aren’t. Ever notice that?

Stopping unhealthy habits, especially ones you’ve been doing from as far back as you can remember, is not easy. Who knows if some habits are ingrained physiologically, learned or just a coping mechanism. Lately, in my case, I have been leaning mostly on the coping mechanism since my past was flooded with trauma and I wouldn’t be surprised if pretty much every weird thing I do is in some way a tactic to cope.

Anyway, something regarding this subject lead me to read, and read, and read, and down into the rabbit hole I went. The path lead me straight back to values. This clicked for me instantly. I made a profound connection, and if you haven’t seen where I’m going with this yet, I am thrilled to write about it more.

Having self esteem/self-worth, core values, integrity and these sorts of things from a young age – something that is usually instilled into you by your parents – would aid in your decision making as you grew into adulthood. You would be able to make these decisions because you’d know your core values and whether or not the problems presented to you could be handled one way or the other — because you’d already be grounded. Knowing right from wrong wouldn’t just be instinctual. You would’ve had the actual guidance.

All these things help in being able to make decisions, and being an adult person. A responsible person. A self-sufficient person and a person with self-worth. I find all that very interesting. Interesting and sad. So, I’ve been reading up on this thing called Mindfulness. Don’t worry, it’s not a cult. It’s just a concept that I think will be good for me to try …if I can.

So, if I can pinpoint my core values, then I will be a lot less indecisive. That’s my theory anyway. I don’t know how that is going to work for the binding on this book, but I hope it will.