I’ve only been doing a little bit of drawing since I finished my last painting. I’ve been resting more than anything else lately since I might be going through a tad of depression. The depression is probably due to my impatience. I need to see progress in various aspects of my life, and if I don’t, I get pretty upset.

These are just a few little ideas I had/rough drawings I have going for possible future paintings. I’m still deciding on which directions I’m wanting to go lately. I want to do a lot of different things, and when I want to do that, it’s hard to get started on anything at all. I love making abstract work. I love making the abstract landscapes too. I also love making the the kind of stuff I’ve been making lately, like the Girl in a Boat piece, or the Horse Thoughts painting, which I still have to take better pictures of.

I decreased my calorie intake so my weight loss would go a little quicker, but I can’t really decrease it by much more. The results are still so low, but at least the scale is moving.

As for the surgery, I think I mentioned I had two consultations, one with Dr. Lee and one with Dr. Sinclair. Dr. Lee is a no-go, but I liked Dr. Sinclair. However, I still have a couple of concerns with him, so I’ve sought other opinions. This is easier said than done.

Finding a surgeon my insurance will pay for is nothing short of a miracle. It’s not impossible. It just takes work. A lot of work.

There are very few plastic surgeons in my network, like four in total. Luckily, Dr. Sinclair is one of them. The others are not transgender specialists. Well, one is, but he’s had his license taken away in the past for gross negligence, so I refuse to even do a consult with him. He’s out.

What I’ve been trying to do is go out-of-network to UCLA’s Transgender Center where I’ve already done an intake, but my insurance re-routed me back to an in-network doctor, Dr. Eko. I have to do a consultation with him before trying again. However, Dr. Eko’s earliest appointment is two months from now.

It will be great if I like Dr. Eko. Then I wouldn’t bother going to UCLA. I don’t think. I mean, it depends, doesn’t it? It’s a major surgery, and I want to be sure about all the details. I’m picky about those details (as I should be).

In the meantime, I did have a virtual consultation with Dr. Mosser’s office in San Francisco. He is the go-to guy that most trans people use for top surgeries. There was no charge, so that part was good. And it thoroughly educated me. But essentially, it’s unrealistic for me to do the operation up there, as it would require a ten-day stay in SF. I’d probably have to fly back once more after that, and I can’t afford all that.

But from that consultation, I was made aware of more surgical options than Dr. Sinclair didn’t give me and can’t give me. The main concern is where my scars will wind up. And that is very important to me.

Another option is to pay entirely out-of-pocket–find the most competent local surgeon and do it on interest-free payments, but we’re talking upwards around $8-9K. Yup. That’s what it costs.

Another option still is to apply for a grant to cover it, but if I don’t receive it, I’d be on the hook for up to $9K. That can’t be good. I might be better off paying on a credit card to go up to San Francisco, that is, if I can get the insurance to pay for Dr. Mosser’s office as an out-of-network provider.

As a back-up plan, I’ve already applied for one of the two grants. The other one wouldn’t notify me of the results until after January. I want the surgery by mid-February. That’s probably too late. And my insurance authorization only lasts so long.

So that’s the story on that situation thus far.