It’s been something like another ten days of continuous rapid cycling. Somehow, this roller coaster manages to fall into the downward direction more often than not, and yet somehow, I am still hopeful? What’s up with that? I don’t know how that works exactly, but it’s how I’ve been cranking along these past couple of days — knock on wood, lightly anyway. And might as well knock to the beat of Love Rollercoaster, the original one by Ohio Players. That is, the track off the album, not the tamed down single. The difference in the lyrics are like night and day.

I just learned there was an urban myth about the recording of that song. A myth I’d never even heard of. Apparently, a high pitched vocal scream from the song is really that of a woman being murdered. Actually murdered, live, during the recording — in the studio! Isn’t that the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? It made me laugh pretty hard. I mean, the fact that people would believe something like that. There’s like 50 people in the Ohio Players. Did they all kill her? They’ve all been covering it up? Ha! That is one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a long time. I don’t even know why they call those things “urban” myths when rumors like that could only be believed by white people. 😉

But I’ll take a laugh wherever I can get one these days.

I’ve had a lot of time to rest, and cry, and rest and cry, and I probably still need more resting and crying. I probably really need months of hospitalization, but it’s simply getting to be too close to installation day (May 2nd). I saw my doctor and he thinks I at least need intensive out-patient care, but my insurance won’t cover it. I just have to figure out a way to pick up and move on, stay connected to a support network, and keep going. In the meantime, a bunch of my meds were changed, so maybe that will make things better soon. I also started going to peer support group meetings (DBSA) a few nights a week. They seem helpful. In fact, I haven’t found anything else like it in Los Angeles. It’s a great resource if you need such a thing. They are free.

I’ve been trying to finish up that watercolor (now called, Off the Grid) the last couple of days. I know, I can’t believe it either. I may even be able to work on the Turtle House soon too. Maybe. The sky on the watercolor did not turn out the way I envisioned though and now I have to figure something else out to fix it. In fact, it looks like shits. I don’t know what I’m going to do because I never had the right color watercolor paint to begin with. I don’t know what I was thinking. I obviously wasn’t. I’ll see what I can do today to fix it.

I also wanted to get the Spark book made by now, but my printer had to go back into the shop. It’s still there and I pick it up on Thursday. If I can print the digital pages over the next week, I hope to get those books done before the museum opening (May 13th), but that might be pushing it.

And I still have to write up a newsletter — something I haven’t done in six months! (Last issue.) I just have to start promoting again — at least for this upcoming show. I’m probably going to post this blog entry on Facebook. I haven’t been posting my entries on Facebook or G+ lately, or even ello. I don’t know why. Maybe I have wanted to be inconspicuous or something. My last post was a lot more about mental illness, and I even mention how it’s still stigmatized. For that reason, I probably should have promoted it, here’s a link to it. People that suffer from any sort of mental illness or mood disorder (many of them) feel isolated in talking about what’s happening to them, (I do) at least to their “normal” friends because it seems like we are “complaining” or whinny. We think no one wants to hear about it. Most of the time, I don’t either. There are still people that don’t even think depression or bipolar exists. I used to think the same thing and I lived with the disorder most of my life. People may think it’s an “attitude” thing. Take some vitamins, get some sunshine, take a walk and snap out of it! Gee, okay.

I tried that for so long and suffered needlessly, seemingly endlessly. I’m suffering again now, and it’s mostly due to not being on the correct medication. Well, now I’m hopeful that this new change will help me when it finally kicks in. My fingers are crossed anyway.

In the meantime, I’m still looking for another beta reader for Shrapnel.