Starting to Wonder

Maybe these last several blog posts can be a small novella about this battle with getting my goddamn top surgery. I can entitle it “Messages in the Complaint Box” or something. Raging Messages in the Complain Box?

Yesterday I called Dr. Sinclair’s office to see if he got my letter. Anita, his assistant–who is hella cool–said he did receive it. It’s lying on his desk, but he hasn’t had time to read it. She said she’d try to make him read it “today,” which was yesterday. I still haven’t heard anything. I have a feeling it probably just pissed him off. He’s not the kind of guy that likes to be told what to do. Maybe not even in polite suggestion.

Anyway, I found out I can do a virtual consultation with Dr. Champaneria in San Diego. It’s good I don’t have to drive down there. I would’ve liked to have met him in person because he seems so nice, but after reading what his nurse said, I don’t have my hopes up on him giving me a straight line anymore. 

And my EXPEDITED appeal is not going to work. I got a letter from my insurance company yesterday stating that my ailing mental health is not a good enough reason to count as being crucial to my immediate life. They don’t feel my heath is in imminent danger. So I have to wait the whole 30 days. Though the Appeals Department assures me that they are working on my case. 

I may have mentioned I have another new virtual appointment set up with Dr. Ghosh in San Diego as well. She also seems really cool, but they all seem pretty cool at first.

There’s a Dr. Rau in Redlands, which would be the closest to my house, and I’m waiting to hear back about how much a consult would be with him. Maybe I also mentioned how I talked to the assistant to Dr. Larry Rogers, who said he could for sure give me a straight, horizontal line. Great news, right? He’s in Pasadena, not as far away than most, but his fee is–make sure you’re sitting–$18,000. That’s $4k more than if I wound up going to San Francisco. 

Now today is Friday. I kind of hate Friday because nothing can happen. I was hoping I would be able to get some answers before the weekend, and so far, nothing. Dr. Sinclair is only in his Whittier office on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That’s where I sent him the letter. That’s why I called there yesterday. 

I’ll get no new answers from IEHP (my insurance company) today. I’ll get no new imformation from anyone today. 

I can try to paint something–but truth be known, I am far too depressed to put that energy into art. I can’t walk. It’s raining. I guess I’ll straighten up my art space and do laundry, hoping it will cheer me up. But making any art is just not someting I’m inspired to do right now. Not really anyway, because I’m hating everything I’ve been sketching. I’m in an awful mood.

I have been off cigarettes four weeks as of yesterday, though. Smoking would fix everything, it seems. 🙁

But I won’t. 

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2 thoughts on “Starting to Wonder

  1. lindacbugg February 5, 2021 / 12:35 pm

    “Smoking would fix everything, it seems”–this is exactly how I ended up smoking again the 2 times I restarted. My roommates smoked on our porch (only David smoked inside because he couldn’t get to the porch) & there was always a butt can to sneak from on the way back from the store or library or when I wasn’t ready to be home from work. Or when I needed to get away after a fight & when you live in a single room with 2 people, the porch & a smoke seems like heaven!

  2. Carol Es February 7, 2021 / 7:29 am

    Sorry I missed this comment. Yes, it seems like smoking fixes being mad and being stressed most of all. That has been when I have messed up the most. I’m still going, a little over 5 weeks now. It’s been really hard though.

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