Still Kicking

Not much, and a lot has been going on. My sale continues through the 25th, I started a new painting, I’m writing, and my partner publicly came out yesterday morning. Which one shall I address first? 

Which one do you want me to address first? Do you want me to get to my partner right away? Okay fine. 

As some of you might know, Mjp puts out a monthly podcast called, THIS IS NOT A TEST. On yesterday’s episode, something pretty intimate was shared among listeners of the show. He came out as trans. You may want to call him “he,” or “they,” or “she.” It doesn’t matter (as far as I know). Whatever the case, it was an incredibly courageous thing to do. I’m proud of him. It couldn’t have been easy or comfortable. I remember how difficult it was for him to tell me many years ago. Blinded by so much shame, he barely saw how much I loved him. I love him, no matter what. In fact, I loved him even more, and more still since yesterday. 

Not that I’ve ever hidden it myself (aside from the twenty years I was lost in a cult!), but you can call me any pronoun you want. I could care less. I am not sure I’d call myself trans, but I’ve been non-binary for as long as the day is long. Over the last decade, I’ve described myself as “gender-queer.” I guess that’s what I’m most comfortable with because I’m pan-sexual and non-binary. It seems like the most appropriate word.

I guess that’s kind of why the two of us were made for each other. We are both a little strange, a bit special, a bit off, unique, rebellious, antisocial, nonconformist artists. Yeah. I think that’s a good thing. Not without our issues, though. I’ve been in therapy for a good twenty years. Granted, some spans had a different focus, depending on life events. One example was the ten years I was recovering from mind control (Scientology). Then all the C-PTSD from rapes and other abuses. It’s been a lot of shit. Mjp has only had a small amount of therapy, yet he is continually growing. He is much more resilient than I am. I love learning from him.

So I’ve been doing more work on the Queer as Mud book. I really didn’t want to become a second memoir (it won’t be published as one). Still, it’s becoming more and more autobiographical. It is what it is. It’s about how I came to the way I think and came to be how I am, I guess. I didn’t put any of that stuff in the first book because it deserved to have a book of its own since it’s such a separate subject. 

I finally had mjp read the rough of the first chapter, and I feel happier about moving forward with it. I get so down on my writing. I don’t know if it sucks, or I feel like it sucks. I don’t like reading it back and hearing my own voice. It must be all the self-loathing or the loathing of the self-loathing. Ha. In any case, he gave me a good pick-me-up.

Here is the painting I started. It’s oil on canvas, 34 x 34 inches. No title yet. It’s just the outlines for now:

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3 thoughts on “Still Kicking

  1. lindacbugg August 3, 2020 / 2:52 pm

    I just found out (in passing) my youngest niece is gay & her mom was so blase about it I was so happy. I asked my sister if she knew & she didn’t but turns out her twins (same age as niece) have known for ages & it gives me hope for the current generation that it’s not such a huge deal & that they’re more open.

  2. Carol Es August 4, 2020 / 6:57 am

    It’s so great that things are getting a bit easier in society–finally. Long overdue. But we still have far to go, I think. With many things.

    So good to hear from you. Are you finally set up in Southern Cali now?

  3. lindacbugg August 4, 2020 / 2:33 pm

    As set as I’m going to be. I’m camping out in my mom’s spare room in Temecula with all the stuff & oh my does my mom have so so much stuff! We’ve moved some into a 20ft storage container & are going to have to buy another 40 footer-lol.
    Seems my next step is to relearn to drive & get a car & a job. Thankfully she lives in low income housing & pays 30% of her income.

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