Here it is, the end of February already. (I wrote this yesterday) Time is ticking. I can hear it. No, really. There is a clock in my kitchen that clicks every second, and it drives me crazy. It clicks while I paint in the dining room and I wonder why I don’t buy one that’s silent.

I probably haven’t mentioned this because I’ve quit so many times, but I haven’t smoked (again) in 16 weeks. That’s four and a half months. I don’t want a party or anything, especially because I’ve quit ten years before, and two years, and eight months, and six months, blah blah, and on and on, so we’ll see if I stick to this. I’d like a good nine months before I start feeling anywhere near proud of myself.

Sometime today I’ll be receiving the newest paperback proof, and if it’s not totally great, I don’t know what I’ll do. Talk about mistakes: when I went to correct the file, I opened it up in Photoshop and lo and behold, the .psd file had been flattened. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I guess I have too much going on, I’m losing my marbles, or a little of both. I had to start all over again from a new template. I have no clue how this proof will look. I superimposed it over the flattened file, so it has to be pretty close, right? At least all my layers are back. Those of you that don’t know Photoshop were bored through that paragraph. Sorry.

I finished the big painting, and I’d show it to you but I can’t get any sort of photo of it because it’s too big. I mean, it’s not as big as the paintings that the important art star boys make. I don’t have that kind of money, space, or ego, but it’s 60 inches high and I have a couple of those canvases left over from when I did have those things.

I am already on the next one, another abstract, though it has a rickety, cartoon wheelchair in it. I’m actually painting on top of an older defunct painting, but not the one I had made big plans for. I have a few older paintings I wanted to paint on top of, and one of them, I can’t find! I think I destroyed it right before we moved and I’m kicking myself now. I put a lot of work into that painting. Why did I do that? I mean, I know why. I just wish I didn’t. I didn’t know I’d have a future plan for it I guess, and I wasn’t thinking about how long that particular technique takes. So, I’m mad at myself. Instead, I found one with similar colors, but it’s not the same format. I had to make a completely different composition. I mean, no one has the other one to compare it to, but I have it in my head. Perhaps when it’s finished I’ll come to like it more. We’ll see.

So the countdown starts. March 1st is tomorrow and it officially marks six weeks to the show exactly. That’s 42 days. Really, it’s much less. Some things are due way before other things. Most of the works on paper need to be finished in three weeks for framing. Didn’t think of that, did ya? My book actually releases on April 6th. They have to be up to par and ready to sell three weeks before that. My newsletter goes out in 20 days. Believe it or not, they take a long time to put together. I’m just trying to get all the art done.

I’ve written a few articles that will be turning up on other websites out there in cyberspace in the coming weeks. I guess you call them guest spots, or guest blog articles. These are part of my online “tour.” I’m not doing much in the way of PR. I can’t afford any fancy agencies, but I have read about all the things I could do DIY style. However, much of it is way more work than one person can handle. I am going to need to slow down, at least for a minute, after the launch/reception.  I’d like to sleep for a week straight. in any case, I can only do so much pre-release PR by myself while juggling all the art I have to make and meeting my deadlines. I can’t sit on Facebook or Instagram or Tweet my ass off every day. I just don’t have it in me, or the time. I’d need to enslave a group of small children to help me, and that’s illegal.

I think I’m going to be good with the art. I’m pretty sure. I don’t think I have to stress out or push myself to make a fifth new oil painting. I have a lot of others that may not be brand new, but I have never showed them in public before. I feel confident that this grouping I have planned will work. The only real problem are the little map gouaches. I have to re-do the ones I’ve done so far because I ruined them pretty bad in the inking process. I have a hell of a tremor, and frankly, I can’t see! I have Rx glasses, but they don’t work that great, so I use the drugstore kind. I use those, plus a magnifier lamp, and I still can’t see. Even if I can see my pencil line, I can’t keep my damn hand straight. It’s all very frustrating.

Anyway, I’ll try again and see if I can make them look any better, or stylize them in some different way. Yeah. Maybe I’ll do that.

UPDATE: I received the most recent paperback proof and this time, not my mistake, but they don’t look good. Bad quality. They printed it crooked and I have a complaint into the company. I’m starting to rethink my distributor–here at the very last seconds! Stay tuned.