Today I’m going to get a new consultation from my surgeon.

I’m driving out to Whittier in the hopes I can talk him into making my incision scars the way I really want them. Maybe I’ve talked about this before–grossing you all out–but there are different ways in which the marks can be angeled, or shaped, or what have you.

For instance, some people have the incisions curved along the inframammary lines, which is probably the most natural way it’s done. This is the way my surgeon had initially insisted on doing it. It is not how I want them to look, however. To me, that just reminds me of boobs, like how you’d draw them on a cartoon–two smiley faces below where the nipples would be. Yuck! I would be so unhappy with that.

Instead, I would like them vertically straight, still low, along the inframammary lines. The thing is, if we do that, it is possible, the scars may have to meet in the middle because of how large my breasts are, but I really wouldn’t give a hoot–just as long as I don’t have two curved happy faces where my boobs used to be. In a year’s time, the scar will fade significantly, and no one is going to see it but me anyway. That’s all that counts, right?

So, I am bringing pictures with me. One of those pictures are of his work. He’s done this technique before. Granted, it was on a young, skinny person, but he does know how to do it. I feel the need to talk him into it. I know it also has to do with my weight, but if I plan to probably go in for a revision a year later (if it looks like shit), what’s the difference?

If I can get him to agree, I also hope I can set a surgery date today. If so, that would be super exciting. I don’t know if that’s possible because I’ve only lost a pound or two this last month, but maybe we can set it for sometime in March. If he pushes it for after March, I’m going to break down crying. I’m only getting older as the clock ticks and ticks, and I’m so unhappy while I keep waiting for this.

And if he won’t do the incisions the way I want them, I have to count him out as my surgeon all together–making me have to pay for another surgeon out-of-pocket on a credit card. That is something I can not afford–at all. But I’m willing to do it. It’s a $10,000 surgery. My insurance won’t pay for anyone out-of-network, and there are no competent surgeons within the network because my insurance is the worst one on planet earth. Luckily, Dr. Sinclair is a great doctor in my network. I just have to get him to agree to give me what I want, so wish me luck.