It’s been a week since my show Exodus opened and I’m just now starting to, well, I guess “relax,” if you will. I don’t usually relax so it’s hard to even call it that. I don’t know exactly how I feel. I thought I would write a blog post about how I’ve been “feeling” and just do a general update on what’s been going on with my overall well being, but I’m still not sure what that means exactly. I am hoping it will just come out as I type this thing.
I got a review in ArtScene that comes out in the April edition. It’s actually already out there in the galleries. It was written by Molly Enholm. It includes an image too. My name is on the cover and everything. That’s a really big deal to me.
There were a lot of press people there during the VIP hours of my show, which took place from 5-7 PM. Peter Frank came early and that was a surprise. There was a lot of traffic that day and I was surprised to see so many people show up. Tulsa Kinney from Artillery seemed to stay for a long time and really loved the show. My video installation was a big “hit,” even though there were a few problems with the little TV getting staticky at times. I even bought another old TV last Friday for a back-up because I was so worried about the TV going out completely. So now there are two old TVs just in case.
Yes, lots of people came and everyone seemed to really love the show, the installation and the paintings. I even sold a few that night. I would say it was a successful evening overall. The best show I’ve ever had in my life even. I got to share this with my beautiful friends.
I have to say though, that the evening was a bit of a blur. I am not good in these large social situations and I couldn’t tell you every single person that was there, although as time goes on, I am remembering more and more of the night. But at the time, and a couple days after, I couldn’t remember a thing about it. I was literally out of my body during the night. I wish I could say I was in the moment and present, but I just wasn’t. I was filled with too much anxiety I guess. But maybe no one was the wiser.
One of my biggest fears – most people fear public speaking – but me, I fear it when worlds collide in my honor. That is, when all the people I know gather in one space and they are there because of ME. A solo show of mine would be at the top of that list, wouldn’t it now? My funeral would be another. But honestly, I have such anxiety about talking to all the people I know at the same time and having those people see me interact with other people I also know. It’s like all my facets are crashing together and I am worried about being out of step with any one of them. Mostly being rude to any of my loved ones in conversation by talking with someone and then another person interrupts, etc. I feel responsible for the feelings of the previous conversation and then I’m thinking about it for the rest of the night.
I have probably already explained this.
But the night most likely went fine and if anyone is offended with how I behaved, there’s probably not much I can do about it now.
Now it’s over and a year’s worth of work has been completed, so how do I feel? Am I depressed like I thought I’d be? No. That’s good, right? I thought I would be really down with the “after show blues.” Maybe that will happen after the show is really over, but I hope not. I am not depressed at all actually. I am very hopeful and grateful. And I’m not bored either. I’ve been splitting my time up working and relaxing. I am still working on tasks I never finished before the show took over my life. I’m a little embarrassed to admit – but I never finished painting all the À la Dan Kabbalah prints. Shame on me!
I am finishing those up and I even dropped some of the finished ones off at the gallery yesterday and sold one the minute I pulled them out of the envelope. They look really good.
I’m also looking forward to making some large watercolors. I have plans to do something new (again)! Another experiment of sorts. But we’ll see how it all turns out. It’s nothing nearly as ambitious as my last project. 😉