My Story

This is my official statement. Please make sure your tape recorders are on.

My true and legal name is Ayin Es. In recent years, I changed it from Carol Es, so your eyes are not deceiving you. It wasn't an easy thing to do and I feel like I'm starting over, but it's worth it. I identify as transgender. I prefer the terms transqueer, genderqueer, or nonbinary, and use they/them pronouns. I'm also an artist with physical disabilities and mental illness, as well as being a sexual abuse survivor. But none of these things define every dimension of who I am.

I grew up in Los Angeles, the greatest city in the world, but now I live two hours east of there in the high desert town of Joshua Tree, California--an inspirational magical wonderland.

I have been a musician and an artist my entire life. As a drummer, I've toured the U.S. and Canada, and performed for large audiences, played groove/R&B/Hip Hop, jazz, rock n' roll, and studied with notable drummers, musicians, and producers. But everyone I have ever known, infamous or not, has influenced me in some way in all my artistic endeavors. Some of my known influences are the Beatles, Prince, Stevie Wonder, Paul Klee, van Gogh, Amy Sillman, and others.

Earlier life was less than ideal. By age ten, my family moved more than a dozen times and I wound up without a formal education. I picked up the slack by educating myself at the public library and eventually got my GED at nineteen. I worked as a cutter in the garment industry with my family beginning at age eleven, but left home early by age fifteen because of ongoing abuse. Then I worked every other job on earth you can think of to support myself.

In my teens, I discovered Charles Bukowski at the library and I owe a lot to his genius. I became a writer and a more determined artist because of him. I also love writers John Fante and Miranda July. I write in various genres and have been published in a few small presses.

Along with painting and drawing, I also create Artist's books. They've been widely collected and placed in major collections around the world, which is just plain weird, but I guess I got lucky.

Over the years, many happy people have purchased my artwork and I've collected a few testimonials here, in case you don't believe me.

If you're a gallery or a curator, here is a more professional-type artist's statement for your files.

Thanks for reading and I hope I passed the mustard, I know what I mean.